Horses Walk at Birth, Human Babies Are Useless

Despite being a somewhat cranky shut-in, constantly condemning social distancing failures and errors, I did manage to see something truly wonderful recently. While I sure do a great deal of technological lamenting, something fantastic cropped up as a result of it. A family friend — my uncle’s ex-boyfriend, if you must know — live-streamed his horse, Dixie, giving birth to her colt. I’m from suburban New Jersey, a 30-minute drive or so from New York City, and such rural affairs are not something I encounter with any regularity.

While I’ll spare the details of gross birth itself, the sack and whatnot, the birth itself was nothing short of miraculous. But, it was precisely the moment when the newborn colt and its mother were finally face to face, with the mother smelling and staring into her baby’s eyes, that near brought me to tears. While mother and child gazed upon each other for the first time, I was overcome with a sense of optimism that we will get through our present turmoil, and that there still remains a great deal of beauty to be seen.

And then, my aforementioned crankiness came to the fore. Mere moments after its birth, this colt was on its feet and learning to walk. With its mother as its guide, this wobbly-legged newborn learned to use its comically oversized legs and took its first steps no less than 10-minutes after leaving the womb. After a brief moment of wonder watching the live feed of the colt’s first steps, my thoughts turned to humanity:

Human babies are absolutely useless for quite some time.

They don’t start walking, talking, or doing anything of worth for years — and they aren’t able to fend for themselves into arguably their late-20’s. This horse was up and walking within only minutes. Get with it, human babies.

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Writer, Musician, Artist

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Christopher Goodlof

Christopher Goodlof

Writer, Musician, Artist

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